Well hello there! This post is going to be quite a change in pace from what I normally post on my blog. But here goes nothing. Most likely if you’re following this blog, you’ve read one or many of my short stories. I want to start off by thanking you guys for reading my work and sticking around to read more! Through all the ups and downs in my life, writing has been my rock, the one thing I always return to that helps me get through the rough patches. So it makes me so happy that people actually enjoy my writing and want to see more of it!
Since we’re on the topic of writing, recently I’ve been struggling a lot with it (just look at the last time I posted something xD which was forever ago). I feel like a high schooler again, well not even. Because at least back in high school I was constantly writing and happily sharing my fanfiction with my peers. I feel younger than that. Like I’m just figuring out how to write again. Creating characters has always come naturally to me but now making a whole complete plot has me lost and frustrated (seriously, what are endings?). So I’ve been stuck in a terrible loop of forcing myself to write just to hit a wall and not knowing how to end my stories. I’ve finally decided to take a break and work on my craft (because I don’t even think I have since I graduated from school).
In the meantime, I thought why not update you guys on my life? Because a whole lot has happened since the last time I’ve posted on here.
Okay, so I was still posting when this happened but I never said anything about it so here’s me talking about it now. I got engaged! And I couldn’t be happier. I can’t imagine myself married to (or dating for that matter) anyone else in this entire world. It’s a wonderful feeling when you find someone who loves you for you and who is patient enough to deal with your weird quirks, plus who can be weird with you (because who wants to be normal, right?). And it was done at a Japanese festival where we first started dating. It felt very full circle 🙂
But with engagements comes wedding planning and can I just say, mine was kinda a disaster. Okay, a huge disaster! And I think it deserves its own post because it was just that epically terrible of an experience. And guys, I got married at Disney! And still it was a nightmare to plan. To be blunt, my wedding planners were making it a nightmare for me. But anyway, here’s some of our inspiration for our wedding theme. The theme ended up being Cherry Blossoms in Japan. Kinda another full circle moment for me (seems to be a theme here). Both of us have always wanted to go to Japan so it just made sense to draw inspiration from it. I have always loved cherry blossoms, so much so I named one of my first OCs Sakura.
Since I don’t know how to dance, am super awkward around people, and didn’t want to look like a complete fool, I searched high and low for a good dance studio where we could learn our first dance. After looking on the Knot, we found Arthur Murray Dance Studio and went to use our first free dance lesson. We instantly connected with the dance teachers there and signed up for one of their wedding packages.
Side note – Since we’re anime fans, we of course had to make our first dance song an anime song. It was extremely difficult to get my parents on board (and I had to get them to also be okay with me walking out to a video game opening theme and for my husband to walk out to the Evil Morty theme) but eventually they went along with it.
We picked a mash up mix created by youtuber/singer Amalee which combined “Fukai Mori” and “Every Heart” from the anime show Inuyasha into one beautiful song. Another full circle moment! I played Fukai Mori at my high school piano recital. I had to convince my teacher day in and out to let me do it and luckily they finally caved.
For your viewing pleasures, I’ve provided cell phone video of our first dance in all its glory (and mistakes xD). But honestly, I’m very proud of it because let me tell you, it would’ve been just us swaying from side to side if it wasn’t for these dance classes.
Surprisingly enough, we enjoyed the dance classes so much that we plan on going back and learning more in the future (when life stops being crazy as you’ll see in the next section). It was a very fun environment where we could learn together and work hard towards the same goal. I never expected to like it as much as I did (or for him to like it as much as he did) but I’m glad we both want to return at a later date.
I know everyone says that the craziest stuff happens while planning for a wedding but seriously, I’ve had the worse couple of months leading up to my wedding (and even now). Maybe I’ll go into more detail in a later post but here’s the quick summary of it all.
Earlier last year, I suddenly got sick. I had extreme pains in my side and stomach flu symptoms and eventually had to be hospitalized because my doctor swore up and down that the issue stemmed from my appendix about to burst. Turns out it wasn’t about to burst but to be fair, even the doctors at the hospital initially thought it was something else. Let’s just say I spent A LOT of money taking test that didn’t help and being hospitalized. After a while, the culprit turned out to be my gallbladder (or at least I think. Honestly, until this day, I’m still not 100% sure it was the source of it). However there was nothing wrong with it per say, more like it was “working harder” than normal ones do and my only real solution was to cut down on red meat and fatty foods. So now I consider myself a “fake vegetarian.”
Then, later on that year my mother broke her ankle coming down the stairs and had to be taken to the hospital. She later had surgery which consisted of putting a metal plate in her foot. This event put a strain on our family because at the same time, my parents were taking care of my grandmother who is suffering from Alzheimer’s. It was too much for my father to handle alone: taking care of my mom while taking care of our pets and my grandma. So naturally, it was family pack time and we all came together to overcome this obstacle (and I learned to keep my phone off silent mode). However, I wish I could say the hospital visits ended there.
Then my father became very ill. It took a few hospital visits (some of which were terrible experiences from their incompetence) to discover he has something called Hypersensitivity Pneumonitis which left his lungs completely destroyed causing him to have to use a oxygen tank probably for the rest of his life. There was a terrifying moment where I thought I would lose my father. I wasn’t one to dream of my wedding day but I’ve always pictured him walking me down the aisle and now I didn’t even know if he was going to be alive by time I got married.
During this time, my grandmother was getting increasingly worse and also ended up at the hospital after falling. My family came together again to make it out of this too. But after this moment, my grandmother’s health has only gone down hill.
Leading up to the Wedding
Before heading to the next section of this blog (which would be the wedding section), I wanted to pause to talk about what I’m grateful for. When terrible things happen to you, you start to realize just how lucky you are.
I’m so very grateful for my family. We have never encountered one after one devastating events like this before but the way we dropped everything to come together to help one another still brings tears to my eyes. Not every family has the ability to do that nor do they have members willing to sacrifice their time but luckily we did. Whatever happens in the future with us, I just want to always remember this moment, the moment when we were tested like never before and didn’t crack. We held strong.
I’m also grateful for the man I got to marry. Like many other relationships, we had our rocky moments but now we’re rock solid. He faced all this craziness with me and didn’t run for the hills. Not many people can say they’ve found someone like that, that devoted to you and your family that nothing can shake them. I couldn’t have been luckier to cross paths with him.
Surprisingly, even with everyone running late (except our officiant and makeup artist), everything went perfectly! Everything was even done on time. The ceremony was everything I could have ever wanted and the reception was absolutely beautiful.
I think this probably deserves its own post as well (on everything that happened) but I’ll save that for when my professional photos come in. All I can say is that I cried. Yep, I was one of those sappy people who cried on their wedding day. Prior to this moment, I never understood why anyone would cry during a wedding but as I was walking down the aisle, I quickly learned why. It was so overwhelming, almost like a movie. To be surrounded by everyone I cared about and who cared about me, all of them standing there supporting me. It was a incredible feeling.
Before my walk down the aisle, I came to terms with the fact my father was not capable of walking me down the aisle. It was sad especially since I knew he really wanted to and was trying everything in power to but we added a small part after my walk to include him in the ceremony. However, during the getting ready process, I didn’t even know if he would be able to make it to the wedding at all. My mom left to grab him because he wasn’t feeling well (there was even talk about taking him back to the hospital) so as the doors opened and I walked down the aisle, I wondered if I’d even see him there at all. So to walk down the aisle with all that love and support and then to see him standing there and then to see the wonderful person I was there to marry, I just lost it.
Somewhere out there, there’s photos of me ugly crying but luckily all I have are cell phone photos (none of the professional ones yet) to show for now (none of which caught me sobbing). Enjoy!
We’ve always wanted to go and it finally happened, our honeymoon was in Japan! And I think the experience (and butt load of photos) deserves its own future posts (yep, more than one. I have almost a thousand pictures guys!).
I wish I could say everything is fine and dandy in my life but my dad is still battling with his lungs issues and my grandmother has gotten even worse. She’s entered the last stages of Alzheimer’s and it’s left her a silent shell of her former self. I always knew Alzheimer’s was a terrible disease but for some weird reason (probably to keep myself from wondering how it truly feels to be suffering with it), I always assumed the person suffering from it wouldn’t know the difference, that they wouldn’t be aware they were losing their mind. Maybe this is true for others but this isn’t true for my grandmother. And it makes all of this that much sadder.
She still remembers us. She remembers all of us. She used to question why she felt different, why she was always so confused. Why she wasn’t able to do the things she used to. Even now, she doesn’t speak much and when she does it’s almost purely gibberish but I can tell she understands us, she just doesn’t have the ability to answer coherently anymore.
I’m witnessing it happen but I still cannot fathom how it must feel to go from being completely independent to needing assistance for every single thing. Alzheimer’s is truly terrifying and sad.
But even though it’s sorta in my nature to lean toward darker themes, I don’t want to end this blog on a dark note. Family is important guys. I don’t know how close you are with yours or if they’re encouraging or toxic. All I can say is that you only have one family, that’s it.
There’s been many times throughout this process where I’ve wanted to distance myself from all the craziness (just for my own sanity) but if I had, my family would’ve fallen to pieces. We needed each other. To lean on one another, to balance the weight of it all.
I know everyone out there is busy with their own lives and might see a call from a family member and dismiss it because you assume they’ll be there later. I’m here to tell you, DON’T DO THAT (seriously)! Because you’re going to regret it if your time with them is suddenly cut short.
I’m glad I spent time with my grandma. I wish I had taken the time to have more in depth conversations with her while I had the chance but for the most part, I don’t regret anything.
Here’s your push to call a family member (or even friends) you haven’t talked to in a while (or who you know are struggling with health issues but you don’t know how to help so you’ve distanced yourself from them). Getting close to people sucks because when you lose them, it hurts that much more. But what hurts worse? Knowing you spent all the time possible with them or knowing you lost out on time with them because you were too afraid to get hurt? Think about it. And I hope you pick up a phone.
Until next time 🙂